Contrary? I'm not contrary! I'll show you!!!

*Sigh*

I AM contrary by nature. The more I'm told I should do something, the less I'm liable to do it. And even worse, I'll do the opposite, just because I can. It's a bad personality trait, let me tell you. In fact, one of my more senseless entanglements happened because a friend strenuously objected to a one night stand that I had, and the more she nagged and berated me about it, the more contrary I got. So instead of leaving it as a one night thing (which it should have stayed) I found it necessary to get involved instead. Just because I could.

Stupid. Very stupid.

Bear shares the same trait. He still has a ponytail going on because his mother used to nag and nag him to get his hair cut. And she used to try and enlist me; I could never make her understand that the more she mentioned it, the less likely he was to cut his hair. He's just starting to come around now, and she died almost two years ago. Stubborn, and contrary.

And I hate doing the expected thing. It's strange because I am a rules and law abiding little person. It's ingrained to do the right thing and follow the rules. There's a difference between the right thing and the expected thing, though. I do the right thing as I see it. I have my own set of moral codes and internal rules and laws to follow.

All of this is a long-winded and round about way to explain that I'm having a sudden case of digging in my heels. Yep, I decided that it was time to get married, but now that it's out there, here come the expectations. And so I'm getting stubborn. I'm rebelling. Again. :D

In truth, this is the most likely reason that we're not already legally married. I start to approach the issue and then I get ornery. In my heart, soul and head, I am so married. I have been for over ten years now. I honestly don't see that a piece of paper could make us any more married than we are. It's a legal thing only at this point. Coldly and logically, the only thing that getting officially hitched will do is protect our rights to each other's stuff if one of us dies. I just can't see that as anything to do with our love for each other and the emotional connection and bond that we have.

Honestly? I feel like I'm planning a big to-do over getting my driver's license renewed or my passport. It's another document that the government requires of me. (But please don't think that I don't appreciate the congrats and well wishes that I've received! I really do. I get all misty-eyed over the fact that people care.) Bear was even more direct about it when I told him about all the congrats comments and stuff. "Where's the congrats for being happily married for almost eleven years?!? Huh?"

The worst part is that I've almost gotten sucked in by the Wedding Industry a couple of times. You know, all the things that "a bride needs to have her one perfect day!". What crap! I know that for many people, a wedding is a huge deal. Everything has to be perfect. Uh, more power to you? I'd rather put that kind of money into the house. Sorry-I just can't get into it.

Yet it's so pervasive that I've found myself thinking "Oh, I suppose that we really should get a certain type of clothes. And flowers. We need flowers I guess. Decorations of some sort? Probably." I had to put the brakes on. We don't need any of it. I don't have to have anything.

So it's back to expectations and assumptions and pressure...and then I dig my heels in. Un-uh! No way! Not this girl! I mean, do we even have to get married at all? I don't think so...

See what I mean? *grin* I'm contrary.

But I'm still getting married this year. Quietly, with no fuss, and despite my own contrary nature!