Saturday is just chugging along

In a whirlwind of thoughts, it's chugging along! I'm down to mainly details in my windows finally, and so I'll have to get back to demolishing the new growth of Mount Bookmore on Monday. This all means, though, that I have too much time to think!

I've probably written six or seven blog entries in my head so far today. Of course I can't remember a single one now that I'm at the keyboard. Figures. I was going to add an addition to my Eight Things meme-lots more music that I can listen to again and again. Or maybe something about books I've read or am reading. Perhaps a rant about book snobs. Stuff about my three Ls being so back in balance.

I guess, in essence, that what I want to say is that it's amazing to me that I could have been so low a couple of months ago and so happy again now. I can hardly credit that I could have been in such despair. I know I still have stuff to work on; I won't forget that. But I feel light-years away from who I was then.

And it's rubbing off on Bear. He's definitely in a better place than he was, too. I mentioned a few posts ago that we're acting all goofy lately. It feels so good! It's our umpteenth honeymoon phase. :) I can only attribute it to having that balance of love, lust and laughter right again.

I'm completely in awe of the fact that somehow, the sex keeps getting better and better. Ten and a half years together, and it gets better. Yay, us! LOL-I know that people just looking at us would never have any idea about that aspect of our lives. Well, it's not really for public view, after all! Bear was the only guy that seemed to be able to see that side of my personality clearly, before we ever slept together. I surprised the others. They couldn't see the lusty wench until she came out to play. Losers! They missed out.

I'm kind of weird that way, though. I've always called it falling in love (or lust) from the top down. It has to start with my brain; I need to be intrigued and favourably impressed by the mental qualities first. Then it hits my heart; I need to feel affection and liking at least a little. Finally it makes its way to my groin; the lust comes after I know and feel safe with a guy. Then I can be as lusty a wench as I want to. Before that, there's too much reserve on my part.

When I've deviated from this pattern-disaster! (Prior to Bear, really, even following that pattern resulted in disaster. But less so. ;D ) The problem is, it's not the way other people seem to do things. So by the time I was thinking lusty thoughts, I'd become a friend or a little sister or one of the guys and I was out of the running as girlfriend material. A friend of mine from high school told me once that I confused guys because I was too friendly. Apparently I didn't seem interested. Hmmm. I'd call it a combo of my odd-ball way of forming attraction and being shy and oblivious. That, and I always wondered why guys would wait until after they weren't interested in me "like that" anymore to tell me that they had been interested. *grumble* What good does that do?

Of course, the fact that I seemed to have a limitless supply of older brothers, all of whom were convinced that I was the nicest of nice girls and that I needed to be protected from guys might have something to do with it. And why would they think that nice girls aren't interested in sex?

Boys.

Thank the Gods for Bear. What would I do without him?